Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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