can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
