I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
She's the barista slut.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
