I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
tell me about the fingering
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