For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
last night I used snow as a chaser
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