I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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