The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
