Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
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