it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
