Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
