Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
