i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
