my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
