Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
