Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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