How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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