Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I pour the whiskey from now on
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