Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Randomize
