BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
