nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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