I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
