I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
