Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
