Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
