My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
