I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Barsexuality is the new black.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
