They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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