Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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