I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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