We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
