cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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