He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize