there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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