Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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