Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
