:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
