She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
