I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Randomize
