"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
