What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
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It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
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Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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