Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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