is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
