We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
