You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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