u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
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