Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
a search helicopter?!
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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