I puked a lego.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
