I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Randomize