just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
