I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
