you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
