Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
