Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
