Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
