We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
