Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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