ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
