i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
