dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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