I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
