Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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