yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
