I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
