i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
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Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
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Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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