I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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