I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
