i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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