Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
