I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
