i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
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