Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
