I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
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