Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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