Your face is a jimmy john
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
