I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
