So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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