just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
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