He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
