dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
he was CRYING into my vagina
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
