she was so not down for the gang bang
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
