This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
In America we eat man semen.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
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