Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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